Just an update!

Well it's Saturday night and since I last sent a message things have been pretty calm. Friday I had a doctor's appointment with my family physician, to get the pre-op physical done, and everything looks normal. I still have to get my blood work results and EKG results back early next week but she didn't seem to think there were any problems. So it sounds like I am healthy enough to get this annoying tumor out...thank GOD!!!

Last night long time friends of ours (the husbands went to school with Dan) came to visit and we had such a great time. It was so nice to see them and catch up (they live out of town so this was a real treat). Thank you all so much for hanging out with us and our crazy group.

Today we had two basketball games...Gordon's and Nolan's. They were good and always exciting so that broke up the day nicely. We also got our new bed!!! I'm so excited!!! We've needed a new one for a while so we could have a spare bed for our guests...and now we do;0)! This will be so nice during my recovery! Thank you to all of you that made this happen. You know who you are and we greatly appreciate it.

This evening was awesome!!! I got to go on a date with my oldest son Austin. He took me to dinner at Harrison's and then to his "Blizzard Blast" dance at his school. I was a little worried about the noise and being dizzy but it turned out great. I didn't fall and embarrass him so mission accomplished. We did dance some but he didn't seem to mind when I couldn't. You just have to love boys...they are so good to their mothers!

Other than the above we haven't been up to too much! We get wonderful meals, messages, phone calls, cards and emails from numerous people everyday and each one brightens my day more than you'll ever know. I can't thank you all enough for your support. I truly am one lucky person!

Good night...I'm going to go sleep in my NEW bed, woo-hoo! Thank you all and much love to each of you! 13 Days To Go!!!

Selfish Moment!

Okay, I know how blessed I am, I know how lucky I am, I know how loved I am and so on and I'm so grateful for all of that but today I've decided that having a brain tumor really SUCKS!!!

I have these sweet little men in my life that want me to play basketball with them; they want me to spin them around and fly them in the air (like I used to do) and much more. I have been able to say, "Can we play this or that instead b/c mommy will fall on her face if she tries to do those things or will end up with a huge headache?" and they are always so good about it and seem to understand.

Today my 11 year old and I were having a heart to heart about a dance coming up this Saturday (he and I go together) b/c I feel just horrible that I will not be able to dance with him. He doesn't seem to mind, and all of the other moms that are going say not to worry about it, but I feel just horrible. I offered a grandmother or someone else to go with him but he said he still wants me to be the one to go with him...how sweet is that?!?!

Anyway, I know things could be much worse right now but I just had to take a moment to feel sorry for myself and to say that having a brain tumor really SUCKS!!!

My Boys!

Well it's been a couple of days and the weekend was good. We had basketball (three of the boys play) and that was a lot of fun. Today however is Monday...a non-eventful, dragging Monday. I'm not really complaining b/c non-eventful is not all that bad but we're talking January in Ohio non-eventful Monday...blah is more like it. The day has dragged, Dan is traveling (which always leaves me feeling uneasy until he walks back into the door) and I'm well...cleaning, reorganizing, planning...all of the above. You would think I was due with a child in a couple of weeks the way I have been nesting!!!

As I sit here typing this I am listening to my boys play with each other (actually not fighting at this given moment) and they are laughing and giggling (I'm sure someone said "fart" or "poop" but I'm pretending it is all innocent). They don't realize how blah of a Monday it is and I think that is just priceless. They love everyday God has given them. I looked at this day as a grey, gloomy waste of day until they got home. They sure are the light of my day. My life is so much better with them in it. I'm glad I took the time to listen to them play (even though it hurts my ear, lol) b/c they made me look at my days differently...they are each priceless and we will never get them back. So I'm going to close for now so I can go enjoy what's left of this "not so blah" day with my precious little boys. They'll never know how much I love them!

3 weeks to go!

Well my surgery is 3 weeks from today. I'm grateful to have time to plan but it really starts to consume you after a while. Especially when you know you're going to feel worse before you're going to feel better. I say let's get on with the better!

We went to the ENT today for my balance test results and I failed. Not too miserably but there were definitely some balance and hearing issues on the left side. This was done basically to give them a base line to compare after the surgery. They are hoping my balance/dizziness will correct itself after the surgery. There is some rehab that can be done if not. The hearing...well it's just not going to be there at all on that side so nothing to correct. I'm just hoping that the pain in the ear will be gone...they feel pretty confident that it will.

This doctor felt good about the decision we had made...to go to Cincinnati and have the surgery. He's the one that told us to keep our second opinion appointment and then gave us Dr. Pensak's name (the doctor we got to see at the last minute who specializes in Acoustic Neuroma's) so he was more than pleased when we told him our plan of attack. He also said that he would be more than happy to help in any way possible after the surgery...for testing, therapy/rehab or whatever so we didn't have to travel as much. He's a very kind and caring doctor.

I feel so lucky with the people that are helping us through this. We knew nothing about brain tumors until after Christmas. We're so grateful to have such a great team of doctors helping us and teaching us more and more so we can get through this the best way possible.

I was contacted the other day by a wonderful woman. I have to share this story b/c she was so inspiring and amazing. Her name is Lynn and she lives in our town. I have had probably 15 people ask me if I knew her and without knowing people have been asking her if she knew me. She got my number from a mutual friend and called me. I’m so glad that she did. She has had 3 brain surgeries in the last 9 mos. and has the best attitude. We don’t have the exact same tumor but a lot of our story is similar so she really gave me some wonderful information about what to expect, not to expect, etc. etc.! I can’t thank her enough…and those in our community that made it possible for us to connect. God is working hard for me and my loved ones and I just feel so blessed.

Sorry this was so lengthy but I gave y’all a break for a couple days and you know me…the stories go on and on and on! Thanks again for all of your support, prayers, concerns and thoughts. God has heard them all and I have felt them all. I’m forever grateful! Love to you all, Jen!

My Husband!

Today has been okay! I don't have a lot of symptoms but woke up with a terrible back ache. Dan brought me the heating pad and the lap top (he even offered to stay home and help with Landon). I was thankful but said no b/c I know I would be just fine. But I did what he said, "sit and feel better". Now I feel a little better...doing laundry, playing rescue heroes w/the boys and so on. As the moments pass while I fold laundry I think about this morning, the last week and the last month. I think back to when life was simpler and when Dan and I first met and started dating. I was only 19 and we were married when I was 23 and he 26. We were so young and naive. We didn't really have a care in the world. I think we all can relate to this in one way or another. What’s weird is that, at that age, you never completely think about sickness, finances or even the struggles you’ll have with your children. I thought...we'll get married, have a family and live life...and we have. (Though you never really know if that person is going to ALWAYS be there for you, you hope that you've chosen to spend the rest of your life with someone that will.) We never expected this crazy tumor thing to happen at all...let alone in our 30's but Dan is so great about it. He does all of the research and educates me on it. He calls me several times a day to see how I'm feeling. He worries but hides it well. He never asks for anything in return! One day I will be able to give back to him for all that he has done for us (the boys and me) but for now I am so thankful to have him. At 19 I didn't even think about something like this and how he'd be in this situation or vice versa so I must say, "Thank you God for putting him in my life b/c I couldn't imagine going through this with anyone else.” I love you Dan and thank you for everything. You are an amazing husband and father…we’re very lucky!

Attitude is everything!

Hello All,
Well I started the day with a headache, an earache and even some dizziness (I usually don't have them all at once) but regardless I was going to church…so the whole family got ready (it takes approx. 2-3 hrs. with this crew so luckily we have an 11:30 service). Anyway, everyone gets logged in to their class and finally, for the first time in I don't even know how long, Dan & I get to sit in church together with no children (love my children but seriously...it is like nails on a chalkboard sitting in the main church with them). Wouldn't you know, after listening to wonderful music (even though it hurts my ear), standing and swaying (which could seriously make me look like a fool if I get too dizzy), the purpose for my being there was the part of the message saying...your ATTITUDE can determine how you will heal from something. The pastor proceeded to say that it is proven that the more positive your attitude when going into a surgery and the recovery the more smoothly it will go and the faster you will heal! That is just what Dan and I needed to hear. It’s all going to be scary but God is in control so we just need to relax and have a positive attitude so I can be healed and back to normal (the new normal) as soon as possible.
Thanks for all of your comments, prayers, calls, emails etc. Each and every one of you have brightened my day and made me realize how lucky I am! Much love, Jen!

You are where you're meant to be...

Well yesterday was awesome. I was feeling okay...a little dizzy with a headache but Landon and I were determined to go to the MOM2MOM group that I used to go to before I started my in-home child care. I have to say that I just LOVE this group of women! I really am one lucky girl:0)!

Anyway, we're there, getting ready for our lesson,(the pastor's wife was our guest speaker...Carolyn Slaughter...and I just admire her so much). We gathered hand in hand in a circle to pray (I have difficulties standing with no support b/c of the dizziness) so I'm swaying a little and realize that I need to start praying with my eyes opened (I sure hope God's okay with that) but then found myself wondering if the ladies holding my hands thought I had spiked my coffee before coming so of course I felt the need to share a short version of my story with them. Now anyone that has had a conversation with me knows that there are NO short versions to anything that I talk about so God Bless those women for listening. They are truly angels.

On to the speaker. My girlfriend saved me a seat in the front row...could be good or bad. Luckily for me it was great. Carolyn spoke and I listened like she was speaking to me. I know I'm not the only one there that felt that way but I know now I was meant to be at that meeting on that day. She gave me such insight on how to manage what lies ahead and to set boundaries. I don't do that well so this was huge. She also spoke about finding a middle place between Mary and Martha (the sisters that welcomed Jesus into their home during his travels). It was amazing and so needed. Carolyn I can't thank you enough...you were truly an inspiration yesterday.

Now to all of my family and friends when I start telling you NO or setting boundaries it's only b/c God told me to, he-he! Just kidding but seriously thank you all for your support during the good and bad of this.

Surgery Date

Well as you have probably figured out we've decided to go with Cincinnati for my medical needs. As scary as it is, we know that brain surgery (Translab approach) is the best solution for me. We received the surgery date of Feb. 12 (delivered to us on my birthday, which changed the mood for a few minutes but you know)...I'm at peace with this. God knows what He's doing and I trust Him. The way this whole thing has played out thus far, the people that have reached out to us and the knowledge that has been handed to us to make a firm, comfortable decision doesn't JUST HAPPEN!! We are so blessed and grateful for all that this tumor is not so let's just get it out and proceed on with recovery and life. God still has a lot planned for me so I'll take the tools and guidance that He gives me to get through this. I want to thank everyone that has prayed, called, emailed, cooked etc. b/c without your support, I wouldn't be able to be this confident and at peace. I am forever grateful!!! We'll keep in touch as more progresses but until then stay warm, healthy and God Bless!

Appointment after appointment

We have now seen a local ENT, Dr. Adam, and I have had hearing and balancing tests. My hearing is actually pretty good so that was encouraging. I felt more comfortable w/Dr. Adam and decided to get his opinion on the Gamma Knife radiation. First there was a long delay after asking him and then he proceeded to say that there was a specialist in Cincinnati that would be good for us to see, Dr. Pensak. Obviously he thought we should keep our appointment with our second opinion doctor in Cincy, Dr. Theo that Dr. Hauler had already scheduled back in December for us. So that's what we decided to do. Off to Cincy we go during this first week of Jan.

Jan.6th-Dr. Theo was wonderful...very informative, kind, thorough. He went over everything with us and then said what we didn't want to hear...you should have surgery instead of radiation. We felt defeated b/c we were so hoping that he would say what Dayton had said and then we could proceed on with radiation and no brain surgery. As we were sitting there he excused himself and made a quick phone call and asked a doctor on another floor if he could see us today. Well wouldn't you know it was Dr. Pensak (the doctor that Dr. Adam suggested to us, these things don't just happen you know. Here Dr. Theo and Dr. Pensak do surgeries together. Of course we would stick around and see him...he's the specialist in Acoustic Neuromas and the one we thought would be the tie breaker if our two neurosurgeons had conflicting approaches. Off we go upstairs one floor to see a doctor that we wouldn't have been able to get in to see for about 3 weeks...we were ecstatic, nervous and still looking for a quick fix.

Dr. Pensak was also great, very thorough and informative. He was very to the point though. He said...NO RADIATION! I just sat and listened like a child being scolded by a parent, tears running down my face, as he proceeded to say...you should have this 12 hr. surgery, you will lose your hearing all together in that ear, you will be in the hospital for up to 7 days and it will take about 8 to 12 weeks for you to recover. HOLY COW...REALLY?!?! Don't get me wrong he wasn't rude, just to the point. The he said something that clicked. "I'm an ear doctor but your hearing is the least of my concerns right now. I focus on safety first, facial nerve second (controls the closing of the eye, smiling, winking etc.) and hearing last. Radiation will mostly like damage all of these where surgery will only sacrifice your hearing (most likely)." Of course surgery is so much more invasive but then the tumor is GONE! Radiation doesn't even guarantee that it will shrink and surgery after radiation is a disaster b/c the radiation fries everything it touches pretty much and the ripple affect of the radiation for the next 10-15 years could do who knows what to my brain. I am only 36...do I really want to be worrying about this thing in my 40's too?!?! Okay I'm rambling.

We left Cincinnati tired, defeated and oddly refreshed. We didn't hear what we wanted to hear...the quick easy fix of radiation was the way to go...instead SURGERY. But what we did hear was crystal clear. These two doctors were indeed the most informative and it all made sense.

Happy Holidays To Us

The last few months of 2009, I have not been feeling well (dizzy, ear pain/aches, headaches & numbness in my face). I had brought the ear problems up to our former family doctor (notice I say “former”) and he told me to go home and when it hurt, swallow really hard to attempt to pop my ears. Needless to say, that didn’t work. I finally made an appointment with a new doctor, Jennifer Hauler. I disclosed to her my symptoms and she listened. Not only did she listen, she heard me. She immediately sent me for a full MRI of the brain on Monday, December 21. We were called in to see her right away on the 22nd for the results. A rush to deliver the results is never a good sign. Needless to say our world has been rocked! We were informed that I have a tumor on a nerve connecting the brain to my ear (providing hearing, balance, facial function, etc.). There are two types of tumors: an aggressive cancerous type and an acoustic neuroma (benign) clinically known as a vestibular schwannoma. The neurosurgeon that we saw on the morning of the 24th feels pretty confident that it’s an acoustic neuroma (we can only hope). The surgery for removal (as mine is fairly large) is pretty intense and could cause more permanent damage to the nerve/face or brain. He suggested we try a radiation approach to try to shrink it. The technology he’ll use is called a Gamma Knife. All of this should start in January.

Prayer works wonders and all you know that I have a FULL family that depends on me and we are all so very scared right now. My husband is so wonderful and supportive and the older kids know what’s going on (minus some of the scary words) but we will get frustrated, mad and even question…why us? So if we have other people out there pulling for us, in their own way, that can only help.

We will keep you all posted on how things go and again have a wonderful New Year!